Truth be told I'm failing. I'm failing at my relationship with God. I never really talk much about it, mostly because its never really been important to me. Let me explain…my relationship/Christianity is really important to me, and I have never thought of straying. But putting work into my actual relationship with Christ has never really been important. I know it is important, and I know I should pursue Him with reckless abandon but I can't really get into it. I always have been able to meet God in worship but that's just not good enough anymore!
I feel like I'm too busy, but really?! Are we really ever too busy for the one who gives us breath? Too busy to spend time with a one who knit me together in my Mother's womb? The one who has blessed me with an amazing Godly husband and fantastic son to keep me busy. Too busy for the one who has given me things to actually keep me busy? I think the too busy excuse is a total cop out, and I totally have been using it!
I also feel like I don't know where to start. Maybe I feel like there needs to be some sort of program or organization to my time with Jesus, and maybe for me there does…maybe there doesn't. All I know is what I have been doing, or more likely not doing, isn't working for me. I've tried many different things but haven't had long term success. I've tried just opening my bible and reading where I felt led, reading through some of the "easy" read chapters, and got 4 months into reading the bible in a year. But then life happens and I get distracted.
Now that I have a son I'm sure I can come up with many reasons why I don't have time or need to sleep instead. But the truth is that if I am serving Him he will help me prioritize my time, and give me the energy I would have gained from sleep! He created everything so why can I not trust Him to give me these little things?!
Where has this revelation come from you may ask!? Well I think its from a few things actually! I just finished reading "Balancing It All" by Candace Cameron Bure(seriously…read any of her books! She is fantastic!!) and in that book she really challenges you to get your priorities in order. It re-opened my eyes to the fact that my priorities are WAY out of whack! It could also be because now I have Declan! Truth be told he is going to grow up and watch me. He will notice that I only spend time with/worship God on Sundays, and then the rest of the week I can't be bothered. How can I expect him to learn to love & live for God when I'm not setting that example myself?! Can you say hypocrite?!
I also know that becoming closer to God will make me a better person all around. A better friend, daughter, sister, wife & Mom, and I want to be all of those things! I want people to see me and know that I love Jesus, it should never come as a surprise to someone that I go to church!
God is growing and challenging me and I wanted to post out of obedience. I know that putting it out there makes me a lot more vulnerable, now you all can keep me accountable and that is scary. That is probably why I am manically typing and will hit publish before I can pansy out!
My question is what works for you?! How do you make your relationship with God a priority in your life!? Do you have any devotional or books that would be beneficial for me?!
Truth be told I am ready to make a change.
Elya, we all go through the tough times of trying to forget the worldly things to bring our focus on God but it is hard. The one question would be is Where is your Heart's desire? Is it wanting to be worshiping the Lord or is it doing things that the world offers. Once you get your focus of where your heart should be then that is where you will find out which side your on. Either God's or the World. My hearts desire is to be with Him, this world offers nothing for me and my focus is to do HIs work. I have gone through a lot of trial and tribulation but it is because He is the potter and I am the clay...so the trials and tribulations when they are done the Potter (God) smashes the clay (me) to build my character stronger for Him and then the trials and tribulations begins again. He (God) wants our focus on Him every minute of the Day. We were put here to Worship Him. When you are going through something hard and wonder where God is. Remember the teacher is always quiet during the test. If this helps what I do is this, I got tired of just reading one chapter per day...I was getting very little for my walk but now I read three books from the Old testament and three books from the New testament that way I can ponder on different things from what I have read. If you find a scripture that your not sure of...study it, pray about it and study it again. Look for key words and take them from other parts of the bible to see what the meaning is in those scriptures. And again most importantly pray. Jeremiah 33:3 Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. It's all about the HEART!!!!
ReplyDeleteElya, I applaud you for wanting to seek more after God's desire for you! I applaud you for wanting to be a great example to your son and any other future children. And I will be rooting for you as you seek after Christ.
ReplyDeleteI find it hard to really dive into God's word now with the little ones. Four under four is just tough. BUT I have found encouragement throughout the day by putting verses and encouraging quotes by authors, friends and family onto index cards and placing them in places I reside the most or visit the most in my house. Such as the changing tables, the kitchen, the laundry room, my bedroom, the bathroom, etc. This helps me stay focus on Christ all day long.